Friday 20 May 2016

I hate looking like a boiled egg


Hello All
So following on from my post about my mental health situation, I was amazed at the response I received. It’s very encouraging to get such positive feedback. So thanks to all that let me know their thoughts. I don’t know if you know, but you get a dashboard thingy on your blogger account which gives you an overview of stats like how many people have looked at your page and also which countries they’re in. According to my dash, I’ve had 603 page views since my first post. I’m actually pretty impressed with that.
So today, I just thought I’d have a little waffle about nothing too serious as I think my post the other day was probably quite enough of a read to keep you all going for a bit. My head hasn’t been great the past few days. As some of you already know, I suffer from migraines and severe headaches most days. And I really mean most days. No exaggeration there. The weather can really affect me which is somewhat of a pain in the arse considering that we often get that high pressure stuff. Anyway, despite attempts with several drugs to try and prevent them, the migraines are still winning.
On top of which, since the start of March I have had this flu type viral thing THREE times. Three!! I also have had the deep joy of getting Vertigo with it. It’s been really horrible. And, just because I have that, it doesn’t mean that I don’t still the migraines too. Matt and I tried out this manoeuvre I’d found out about whilst googling about vertigo. We tried it out. If I hadn’t been so distressed by the room spinning, then I guess I would have been laughing my head off at the seeming ridiculousness of it all. But good old Dr Maff sorted me right out. Haha. Have a look at the video on YouTube here. (opens in new window)
White & Ginger catsSo having carried out this procedure (the Epley manoeuvre), the spinning actually did stop. Unfortunately, I still have the feeling of being on a boat. I’m worse in the mornings. I pretty much stagger around like a drunk for the first couple of hours. Pin balling off everything including walls and doorframes. I usually wake with a headache too. So, after a coffee, bit of brekkie, couple of pain killers and a small cuddle with a couple of the idiots, I start to feel half human.

I think that’s why I love my beauty products. Hair and makeup can make you feel loads better. Certainly helps you look loads better if nothing else. I think I’m a little bit old fashioned in that I like to have a bit of makeup on and attempted to sort my hair out for when Maff comes home. Even if I have sat in my pyjamas most of the day with no makeup on. Looking like a boiled egg.

This sort of leads on to talking about my venture into the trying out of some new kinds of skincare and makeup that I’ve read a little about in the past, and somehow have become slightly obsessed with. I love the idea of the organic, natural, paraben and silicone free beauty products that seem to be all the rage, particularly as I can be prone to bouts of cystic acne on my chin (thanks PCOS) -  but I do get the hump about the prices we have to pay for these things. So, this is where Korea comes in! I know that they’ve been going with that whole ethos for a long long time, and I think the West are only really just trying to catch on. From Bee Venom to Snail Slime enzymes included in a big range of the products I’ve been reading up on you can’t get more natural ingredients than those! So I have already received my first lot of products to try. Some of the pictures are on my Facebook (opens in new window) page and my Instagram (opens in new window) page but I will be doing reviews on here too. Once I figure out how to add pages that are clickable I’ll be adding more. (Sorry, I’m totally doing the self-teaching thing on web pages etc. so could be a painfully slow process). There’s a really decent range of brands to choose from and there are subsequently different pricing ranges too but I have found, thus far, that even with the cost of shipping, you still get far more for your money than when you’re trying to buy the Western brand versions.
Korean Sheet Mask
I actually have already managed to get myself linked to a couple of suppliers of Korean beauty products (which are in the left hand column). Skin18.com and Q-depot.com. My very first haul of goodies came from skin18 and I was over the moon with the deals they have on their site. I hope to be getting some stuff from Q-Depot soon too. So far with them, though, in just setting up my account with them they have been really lovely with great service and response time. I have also, today been accepted onto a couple of other affiliate accounts, namely Benefit Cosmetics (always loved their stuff) and Origins too. I’m waiting to hear if I’ve got in with Bare Minerals, there’s a couple of their products that I will definitely be recommending! I’m hoping I may even be able to get some freebies to try out and review! Joining up as an affiliate for some brands is my way of trying to have a little bit of a "job". I cannot go out to work because of my head. Be assured though - i will be giving 100% honest and impartial reviews on stuff. Promise!
Having a little pamper is great for me but the other thing that I love is having a little sing up. I will listen to pretty much any type of music. So, as well as my word of the day, I will also include “the next song on my playlist”. I’d love to hear what the next one on your playlists are. Let me know in the comments below.
Anyhoo… that’s about all for now. If you’re not dying of boredom, please add your email below for notifications of new posts. Please feel free to get others having a read, and feedback is greatly appreciated. Cheers. X

THE NEXT SONG ON MY PLAYLIST: Gym Class Heroes Feat Adam Levine - Stereo Hearts (opens in new window)

WORD OF THE DAY:  Furphy   (noun, fur-fee) - Australian, a false report, rumour                 

 

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Wednesday 18 May 2016


Mental Health


 As we are currently in the midst of Mental Health Awareness Week, I thought it would be an ideal opportunity to share a little about my own mental health. I’ve undergone several brain surgeries since 2007, my most recent being Feb 2015 and I can honestly say that I am very much aware of how my mental health has subsequently been affected.

To be honest, as "The English” – there are several topics that we just don’t like to talk about or even really acknowledge. Mental health issues are certainly one of those subjects.

I was warned by my surgeon when having to undergo my first open brain surgery that my personality could well be affected. The general expectation would be that (assuming nothing went wrong during surgery), it was more than likely that I would become either a) a more aggressive person or b) a more sensitive person – likely to take things more personally and feel more hurt or upset by things. Well for me, it’s certainly been the latter. Having undergone 2 further open brain surgeries since then, it’s even more apparent.

On top of this, I have suffered with panic attacks and anxiety issues alongside periods of feeling very down. Some might even say periods of depression.

Panic attacks, for me, are something that I honestly hope others don’t have to ever experience in their lifetime. Actually – scrub that – I would like everybody to experience one in their life so that they may have a little bit of empathy towards those who do suffer. The only way that I can describe the feeling that rushes over and consumes me is that of genuine fear. How I would imagine it feels if you are going to be murdered. My heart feels like it’s going to explode, my breathing rate goes crackers, my hands go numb followed by tingly sensations. I sweat. I feel like I’m going to pass out and there’s times where I’ve almost (quite literally) not made it to the toilet. It’s really not fun. Especially if you’ve ever been driving up the A1 on your own at the time. The old breathing into a paper bag trick does actually help. It’s something to focus on if nothing else. But not entirely practical when you’re trying to pull over so you can rummage around in your bag.

I have had periods of time where I have been relatively panic free but I still have anxiety issues that seem to come from nowhere. For no real reason. Like, if I want to pop into Tesco’s. Seriously. I read somewhere that supermarkets are one of the main places for people to have a bit of a wobble. Something to do with no windows and the lights they have in there. Unfortunately – and please be ready for a wee bit of TMI,  my main problem with these anxiety episodes involve me needing to find a toilet. The Tesco toilet in Royston and I are very very well known to each other.  

I will often get this before I’ve even been able to leave the house. So even if my head isn’t playing up too much, my guts are. I’ve had many a time that my main daily intake has consisted of Imodium and/or Peppermint capsules. It’s basically like a form of ibs that’s caused by an anxiety that I might not even be registering in my brain.

Most people who’ve spent any time with me in general situations like standing in a queue, waiting in the Dr’s waiting room or being in the hospital environment know that I’m a “rocker”. Either standing up or sitting down – I’m not fussed. My best friend of nearly 30 years just refers to me as “doing an Arthur Fowler”….. “you’re doing an Arthur, dear” followed by “I’ve stolen the Christmas club money Pauline”. Some of you MUST remember that! Haha.

I have a couple of friends who have suffered with mental health issues over the years, Bulimia being one of them. My other friend is suffering with something that generally people assume would make you a lunatic. It’s called Borderline Personality Disorder. When she told me she had been diagnosed, my instinct was to tell her basically, “right-oh. Let me go and read up about that so I can help or understand what’s been happening to you”. Her response…. “You’re the ONLY person who has said that”. Now – I know it’s not something she’s announced from the rooftops so there wouldn't be a million people she'd told, but I had to ask myself why? Why was I the only one who actually wanted to go and have a little research session on something before making assumptions? Why would I NOT want to do my best to understand my friend's mental state? Someone I care about is dealing with a pretty tough mental health problem. Is there anything i can do? Ask yourself the same question.

Needless to say that I have been given a few medications to try over the years but nothing has really helped as an all-rounder and so at the moment I’m just getting a nice drop of Rescue Remedy down me as and when I might feel a bit anxious.

I mentioned it all once to the brain surgeon I was under originally at Addenbrookes Hospital in Cambridge – Mr Kirkpatrick. A very experienced Neurosurgeon at the top of his game. He basically pointed out that even people who have never undergone any form of brain trauma suffer from anxieties and panic attacks so I shouldn’t feel so bad about it. He also announced that if it was up to him, he’d give me a slap round the head and tell me to just pull myself together. He then admitted that that was perhaps why he had failed his exams in Psychiatry. Great. Thanks for that.

Now – as much as this whole battle seems to be about me, it’s not. Those who are around you also have to deal with the fallout. The general stress that is created for them to cope with. The missed days out. Even just something as simple as going for a walk in the lovely countryside that we are blessed to be living in can become a rollercoaster for everybody. The turning around to go home because I think I’ll die from crapping myself. Ha. It’s a flippin nightmare for all concerned. I certainly have the support from my Maff and my Max but I know that’s it’s bloody hard work for them too.

To this end I am awaiting an appointment so that I can actually get onto the waiting list to see a Psychologist. I would very much like to try some cognitive therapy. The chances are I’ll end up having to pay to see someone privately but it’s worth a go. I find it tremendously important for people to be able to talk about their feelings, especially with their family, friends and loved ones without the “shame” that I think so many people feel if they’re not conforming to “normal behaviour, feelings or emotions”.
I’m definitely a little softer in the middle than I used to be and I guess that sometimes makes it easier for the arseholes in this world to think you’re just a bit of a fruitcake who deserves no respect or compassion. Or for people to just make assumptions about you without ever really taking the time to at least try and understand where you’re coming from or what you might be going through every day. I don't have the "normal" life that I used to have. I don't even have the "luxury" of being able to go to work anymore with the amount of migraines and severe headaches I have. But make no mistake about it – I know I am one of the lucky ones. I was on a ward several times over the years where I was face to face with others who had not come out of their surgeries or causes for surgery as seemingly unscathed as me. I would get so annoyed whenever I was asked the basic questions to check that my brain still worked properly – especially maths questions! But there were women who couldn’t even talk anymore. Didn’t even know what day it was. Some who couldn’t feed themselves and whose light seemed to have gone from their eyes.

In the end though, the light in my eyes is still very much there. Still burning. I’m not out yet. And I am definitely still “me”.
PS - if you can, have a watch of Louis Theroux's A Different Brain on iPlayer here
WORD OF THE DAY
Embonpoint
(French, ahn-bawn-pwan)
noun   Excessive plumpness; stoutness

Monday 16 May 2016


Write a blog! I told myself,  It’ll be easy! I said.

Nope. No.
It’s not.

For someone who can generally talk the hind legs off a donkey, upon venturing into the world of setting up a blog – I appear to have become mute.

The trouble I’m having is what I should write about that will actually be of interest. I have things that have happened in my life that others seem to be interested to hear about, but unfortunately they’re not the most cheerful of subjects or experiences. The encouraging thing is that most of the time, people’s eyes don’t seem to glaze over when I’m talking about these things – maybe it’s the way I tell the stories.

So, from almost daily complaints about my sodding migraines, stories about brain haemorrhages, Meningioma, Meningitis and Septicaemia and all its damage, Mental health, PCOS and infertility issues, to reviews on my latest obsessions within the world of beauty and skincare, exercise attempts, my idiot squad of cats, my fairly recent foray into finding my Faith, music I’m loving and a word of the day thrown in too – I hope to give you a little bit (or a lot – depending on if my posts don’t bore you to tears) of insight into my world and how sometimes I have to search for a silver lining.

 

      WORD OF THE DAY
         
   ~ BOTRYOIDAL ~
       
Adj.   Having the form of a bunch of grapes