memories good & bad

I'd been trying to think of what to write about as I've not posted for a few weeks and I was still struggling even this morning.

I’ve been trying to get a bit more interest generated in the beauty stuff that I’ve been looking into and trying out. I'm looking at eventually trying to make some kind of business out of it but I think it's really important to do plenty of research into it and to also generate plenty of interest before committing to spending money on stock, 

Things are moving, albeit slowly, and I hope to be a doing a bit more towards the end of the summer maybe. So keep your eyes peeled on my social media pages and of course on my website http://liveandlovebeauty.com

Today and yesterday Matt and I were doing a few jobs in the house and this morning, Matt was sent a message from his photo library app on his phone. It basically will send him a random picture and tell him when it was. So today, he received this photo, telling him, 9 years ago today.

As much as it's not one of my best shots, I wanted to share it with you. This photo was taken after I’d had a second brain haemorrhage which required open brain surgery to repair. As you can see, a few staples and a bit of shaved hairline doesn't look particularly comfortable or indeed pain free. This photo brought back the memories of that time. 

But, I think that despite the memories that I have, in a lot of ways, Matt & Max's memories of that time and indeed that day are possibly worse. Matt had to sit and wait for me to come out of a surgery that, when he had asked if I was going to be alright, he was told "your wife is very ill". I think he looked things ups and saw that it was approximately 50/50 survival and around 66% of survivors of brain haemorrhage are left with some kind of permanent mental deficit. Now, I could go into all the various versions of what could be permanently wrong but that's not what this post is about. 

My post is really about how we have this idea of how we should be always trying to create happy memories for us and our friends and families. I feel we should never dismiss the sad or frightening memories. Those memories of a truly difficult time in our lives play a huge part in what keeps the love and the bonds between us strong. For us they are every bit as important as the happy memories. Matt and I had only been together around 4 years when I had the haemorrhages. And in the years since, we have created plenty of happy memories despite having sometimes long periods of time when I just haven't been well enough to go and do things that would enable us to create happy memories. 

Matt uses those memories of the struggle I’ve had to get back on my feet, to point out where I am now. On the days that I feel utterly useless and feel like I’m not achieving anything, he is there to remind me of where I’ve come from. He is a bright light in every memory I have. The darkest of my days will always end with being filled with light when he is there. 

So - as weird as it may sound - you must cherish the tough memories to a degree - and maybe learn from them. I think it helps to keep you going on whatever path you might find yourself on. Use the memories of the bad times to help to fuel creating the good ones.

overly sensitive or just too much information?

So with the development of messaging apps over the last few years, I'm just wondering if perhaps we are actually given a bit too much information?

When you send a message on WhatsApp you get the initial Grey tick that tells you the message has been sent. 2 Grey ticks means that the message has reached the other person's phone. And then 2 Blue ticks means that the message has been read. 

Facebook messenger app has a similar setup. You know the message has been sent, gone through and then a thumbnail of the person's profile picture comes up next to the message when it's been read.

Now - that in itself is ok. A confirmation that things have gone through can be useful. 

The other piece of information that you are given is when that person was last online or active. This is where I think the problems can start.

Here's an example: You've sent a message on WhatsApp. You've got your 2 Grey ticks. So the message is sitting on your contact's phone, waiting to be read. Now, some people might claim that they do not get any notification of new messages. That's ok. Maybe it is the case. Although my understanding is that you can go into your phone settings and switch notifications on. Anyway... 

So days (and, sometimes, even more days) go by and you get no response, so you keep checking whether you've still got Grey ticks or whether they've changed to Blue. Nope - still on Grey. The message still hasn't been read. You then notice the banner that scrolls across underneath the contact's name. Last seen at such and such day/time. So that's fine. Until you realise that it indicates that your contact was last on there after you had sent your message and got your 2 Grey ticks. And yet they still haven't opened your message. But you can't tell me that they are unaware of your message sitting there waiting to be opened. The same goes for FB messenger. You're informed of when that contact was last Active.

I must point out that this post is not me aiming a rant at anyone in particular, it's actually based on a few conversations I've had recently with others who find this whole act of others reading their messages and then not responding - and sometimes claiming that they were unaware of any message - really upsetting. Of course, in a world of apps, computers and gadgets, generally, there will always be blips and crashes etc so you may have to accept that it may not be as simple as you being ignored. 

So without these receipts or read confirmations, perhaps we wouldn't be so predisposed to taking a non-response so personally. I know some of you will just be reading this and thinking "what's the big deal?" "who cares?"... But when, as an example, you might live away from one of your children (who is now pretty much an adult) and you are messaging them on a reasonably regular basis, and you're seeing your 2 Blue ticks or FB confirmation of message read - and you literally get no response, that's got to hurt. 

I am a bit of a stickler for people having manners. And a bit of respect for one another. Especially when they're meant to be your friend / family. I know that more often than not I'm having a bit of a bad head day and so don't always want to get too involved with a text message conversation. So, because I am aware of the fact that the sender will see that I've read their message or have indeed not even opened it, but yet have "been online" I make a point of not opening anyone's messages until I'm ready to read them properly and respond. Call me old-fashioned, but the last thing I want is to make people I care about feel like I can't be bothered to respond to them. 

I guess my point is that maybe it would be better to not have this much information at our fingertips. There's too much out there. Even this post will probably baffle a few of you as to why I even feel the need to write about it. But at the same time, there will probably be even more of you who understand what I'm saying and actually agree.

There are some days that I like the idea of going a bit old skool and sending a letter in the post. Just a little note or card to let someone know that you're thinking of them - it can mean the world to someone.

I think it's important to treat people how you would like to be treated and I always try my best to do that. I also know, from personal experience, that you can actually never just assume others will think the same as you. But that's human nature. Perhaps some of us could do with being a little less sensitive and perhaps some of us could do with being a little more considerate. 

WORD OF THE DAY:   SELENOTROPISM
                                         biology - growth in response to moonlight




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