Sunday, 24 July 2016

memories good & bad

I'd been trying to think of what to write about as I've not posted for a few weeks and I was still struggling even this morning.

I’ve been trying to get a bit more interest generated in the beauty stuff that I’ve been looking into and trying out. I'm looking at eventually trying to make some kind of business out of it but I think it's really important to do plenty of research into it and to also generate plenty of interest before committing to spending money on stock, 

Things are moving, albeit slowly, and I hope to be a doing a bit more towards the end of the summer maybe. So keep your eyes peeled on my social media pages and of course on my website

Today and yesterday Matt and I were doing a few jobs in the house and this morning, Matt was sent a message from his photo library app on his phone. It basically will send him a random picture and tell him when it was. So today, he received this photo, telling him, 9 years ago today.

As much as it's not one of my best shots, I wanted to share it with you. This photo was taken after I’d had a second brain haemorrhage which required open brain surgery to repair. As you can see, a few staples and a bit of shaved hairline doesn't look particularly comfortable or indeed pain free. This photo brought back the memories of that time. 

But, I think that despite the memories that I have, in a lot of ways, Matt & Max's memories of that time and indeed that day are possibly worse. Matt had to sit and wait for me to come out of a surgery that, when he had asked if I was going to be alright, he was told "your wife is very ill". I think he looked things ups and saw that it was approximately 50/50 survival and around 66% of survivors of brain haemorrhage are left with some kind of permanent mental deficit. Now, I could go into all the various versions of what could be permanently wrong but that's not what this post is about. 

My post is really about how we have this idea of how we should be always trying to create happy memories for us and our friends and families. I feel we should never dismiss the sad or frightening memories. Those memories of a truly difficult time in our lives play a huge part in what keeps the love and the bonds between us strong. For us they are every bit as important as the happy memories. Matt and I had only been together around 4 years when I had the haemorrhages. And in the years since, we have created plenty of happy memories despite having sometimes long periods of time when I just haven't been well enough to go and do things that would enable us to create happy memories. 

Matt uses those memories of the struggle I’ve had to get back on my feet, to point out where I am now. On the days that I feel utterly useless and feel like I’m not achieving anything, he is there to remind me of where I’ve come from. He is a bright light in every memory I have. The darkest of my days will always end with being filled with light when he is there. 

So - as weird as it may sound - you must cherish the tough memories to a degree - and maybe learn from them. I think it helps to keep you going on whatever path you might find yourself on. Use the memories of the bad times to help to fuel creating the good ones.

1 comment:

  1. When a knight won his spurs, in the stories of old,
    He was gentle and brave, he was gallant and bold
    With a shield on his arm and a lance in his hand,
    For God and for valour he rode through the land.

    No charger have I, and no sword by my side,
    Yet still to adventure and battle I ride,
    Though back into storyland giants have fled,
    And the knights are no more and the dragons are dead.

    Let faith be my shield and let joy be my steed
    'Gainst the dragons of anger, the ogres of greed;
    And let me set free with the sword of my youth,
    From the castle of darkness, the power of the truth.

    There still be real Knights.......and if he is the one who swept you off your feet, then you are lucky indeed